Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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