I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
