I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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