I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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