I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
