I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
