I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
