Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
