drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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