id be glad to
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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