I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How does one acquire holy water?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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