I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
