yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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