You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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