Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
