PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
