I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
