just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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