dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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