I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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