Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
