Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
