I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i out mim tonsoeep
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
