She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
