is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
