I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
