So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
