i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
