Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
