I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
