I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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