If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
