i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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