Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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