I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize