took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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