I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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