dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You left your phone here
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