One girl and one boy is just not enough.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
