I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
