I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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