Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
