I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
