my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
