Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
