Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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