Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
