4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
