I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We are two peas in an std pod
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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