Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
