i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
