i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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