...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
