She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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