If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
