I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
