wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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