I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
