happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
