just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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