for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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