Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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