I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
