Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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