My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
