The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
