I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
