I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
