You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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