you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
