Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
