I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
