Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She announced her abortion via fbk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
