just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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