I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
