is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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